High and Dry
Hello and goodbye, fellow readers, as this is the last entry in this blog. Reefermadness goes on the wagon and decides to pour his last Tequila in this veritable House. Rehab begins here.
If that blatant plug for the new blog doesn't work, the just go to www.katzumi.wordpress.com
Those who want to know more will simply have to get off theirasses and follow me there!
Time please, ladies and gents..... (for now!)
Your help needed...
I finally find a few minutes I can hardly spare to post this remarkably short entry. Some of the House of Tequila's regular readers are already aware of some recent and distressing news in my family. There are hard times ahead not only for myself, my brothers and my dad, but most importantly for my dear and beloved mum, Esmeralda, who was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
She is by far the last person ever to deserve such a terrible ailment, and I find myself totally and utterly heart broken and crushed by the news. We are taking each day as it comes, and have already weathered a couple of storms. As I type, she rests in hospital very slowly recovering from the unforgiving side-effects caused by the necessary but devastating chemotherapy. No words anywhere could make any of you understand how sad and angry I am at this moment in time. She has been the perfect mother not only to myself and my brothers, but to countless friends and relatives who have had the pleasure of knowing her and her 'Mother Hen' kindness and generosity.
The help I want from everybody is to do anything you can and believe in to help her. Cross your fingers, say a prayer, light a candle, toss a coin into a fountain or write a wish and put it in a bottle in the sea... anything your faith dictates or your life respects. I will be forever in your debt if at least she is in your thoughts, if only for a minute when you read this.
I hate the thought of ending this blog on this note, but I really do not have the heart or desire, let alone the time, to discard here any longer. I hope the next time I write anything here I can look back and smile at how even when things looked bleak, we made it through to another day.
Merry Christmas everyone, and I really do hope you all have a fantastic New Year.
Over and Out.
Reefer xxx
Spanish Fly...
Or flies, as was the case throughout my recent Spanish holiday, having killed a genocidal amount of the little winged bastards whilst trying to sleep at night. I came back just over a week ago, having rented a villa near Marbella with my fellow lothario Mr Christian Denning of Denning & Denning, Mr Romance, and last but by no means least, the notorious Marc Denning, senior member and founder of Denning & Denning.
The following photos are a small selection of those taken by me using my flashy new(ish) phone. Some were too explicit or disturbing to be included, and could lead to the confiscation of this computer. And if you were wondering after seeing these, yes we did throw the dog in the pool. You'll see what I mean:
Yes, the pool did come with it's own two built-in pasty Brits...
Holding negotiations in the pool were, in order of appearance, Mr C Denning & Mr Coco Romance (you think I'm kidding about his name?...)
Negotiations over, we agreed to smoke cigars and drink beer by the 1 litre bottle. Myself and Mr Trophy Man himself, Christian Denning.
A strange appearance by the real Marc Denning, framed by the mountains surrounding our villa. He had an asthma attack or something shortly after...
Poor sod. The Real Marc Denning after his 'asthma attack' in the mountains, which actually turned out to be a combination of too much alcohol, too much sun, and a cold which decided to manifest itself after three days of hot weather!
Our loyal servant was known as Lloyd, the non-neutered hound with enormous leathery balls, which was included free of charge with the villa. Quite expectedly, knowing the nearest female to be a fair distance away, the inevitable happened...
Coco Romance raped Lloyd.
On a less incriminating note, Mr Romance did manage to behave most of the time, and delivered a cracking bit of Spanish sausage time and time again.
This here is Ricardo, the quintessential Spanish waiter, planning to stick his dick in our beer when we're not looking...
An even rarer appearance by myself, in the fine company of Mr Romacnce and my fellow Trophy Man Christian. The food was nearly as good as the beer, and that was only because Ricardo never put his dick in the Paella (allegedly).
Myself and Mr C again, in a bar that we'll never visit again, and with damn good reason. It was shit.
Having found a better place to drink, the mood for this particular night was somewhat more energetic. First time in my life I had to say in Spanish 'No more glue for these two por favor...'
More restaurant based shennanigans, this time revolving around bread, but as always accompanied by gallons of San Miguel...
Mr Romance during one of the many 'morning afters', when he would normally wake up at 5am and lie outside until the sun came out, just to get the most out of it, and stay out until sunset! He burnt like a witch...
Aaaah, this one brings a tear to the eye. Believe it or not, this is a roundabout in the town where we stayed, Alahurin de la Torre. The council have too much money...
And of course, no beach holiday is complete without a beach! that's as far as we got to sea water. Too many sea monsters in there, man. Plus we had a private pool. Fuck the sea!
Our last day, with a collective photo of The Real Marc Denning, Trophy Man Christian Denning and Coco Romance, enjoying a non-alcoholic drink and some last minute sunshine before heading back home. Oh, and for the record...
We did throw Lloyd in the pool!
I hope you enjoyed the photo-tour (condensed and heavily edited) of my recent visit to the Iberian lands. I'll update again when my friends develop (get with the times, people) their photos (some underwater ones are promised), and promise to divulge more of the compromising images contained in my phone.
Until then, smoke 'em if you got em...
Oh, and for the record, in case you were wondering, all of these were taken using a SonyEriccsson K750i. The photo quality is amazing, especially with good light. If you're considering one, i'd say get it, if only for the 2 megapixel camera!!
Life doth go on...
And so to business at hand: Reefer is feeling broody.
I dreamt just the other night that my beloved pussycat Chilli (I have custody of her for a week as from tonight) turned into my daughter!! The dream then went off into a tangent, and at one point I was able to remove (or sever!) any part of mine or anyone else's body, and reattach it, causing absolutely no harm! So naturally, me feet came off (and on again), followed by a medley of mate's limbs and culminating in decapitation (and re-capitation?) of my dad!!
Then I woke to find that the bit where a massive spider dropped from the ceiling and landed squarely on my face was NOT a dream. This bit I know from the smashed bundle of legs next to a slipper on the side of the bed.
ANYWAY, about the broodiness, I think I may be ready to go fourth and multiply. Now comes the difficult part of finding a willing female to wield (yes dammit, I said wield!) my child!
For this task, I may have to be more charming than usual...
Fly, envious Time, till thou run out thy race...
Today is a heart breakingly sad day for everyone here at the House of Tequila.
ReeferMadness' all time favourite Uncle Herman has passed away in the small hours of the night. His heart stopped suddenly whilst at home with his wife, in Santiago, Chile. He was only 63 years young, and was my Mum's older brother. They had already lost their oldest brother many decades ago, and this sad loss now leaves my Mum as the last living member of her family.
Uncle Charol (as he was known to everyone who loved him) was an extremely gentle and kind family man, who leaves behind a wife, two sons, two daughters and nine grandchildren, as well as countless grieving friends and relatives, myself included.
I cannot bring myself to write any more, as anything I could say will not be enough. Here's hoping one day the fond and happy memories will drown out the cold sadness that's embracing my heart.
Rest in peace Uncle Charol, you are missed more than words can say, and will always be loved by everyone whose lives you touched.
I miss you already...
This bloody blog...
Once again I return to this now claustrophobic House of Tequila, after a prolonged period of absence. For some bloody reason writing an entry these days feels like garroting my own teeth off with some rusty piano wire. I have lots to say, as much has happened since my last proper personal entry, but somehow I feel the need close down this blog and start again afresh
I think that reflects quite nicely as to how my life feels right now. I have changed my lifestyle (especially my working life) quite dramatically lately, and am busying myself with all manner of plans and resolutions I'll no doubt change or break in the near (and if I'm honest with myself, unplanned) future.
I've been living for the moment for so long, I don't even remember when I started living for the moment! I've made ridiculous decisions, having decided I didn't want to tie myself down to anything (or anyone!) and now find myself tied down to this inability to take real chances. I'm stuck in a vicious circle, and very soon will have to do something to break it, else I know I will end up very much alone (not counting the 50 cats I'll own).
To be fair I've known this for some time. It's just that I used to think that we're ALL really alone, even when we get on and co-habit etc etc. Now I just feel like there's got to be more to life than this!
In other words, I think ReeferMadness may be getting ready to settle down!! I predict my biological clock will go nuclear some time in the near future, and no doubt I'll have this craving to go forth and multiply!
Oh dear...
Having just read this entry, it sounds quite downbeat. I want to make sure everyone knows I am in a happy place, it's just quite confusing knowing where to go from here!
Lock up your daughters, that may be a good start...
Only in the UK...
Get a load of this!
Rolf Harris to paint Queen Elizabeth
Above: Rolf and friend Super Mario, retired. (Library Photo)
LONDON (Reuters) - Queen Elizabeth will sit for a portrait by popular Australian TV presenter Rolf Harris, best known for his teasing sketches and playing music on an aboriginal didgeridoo.
The BBC said the sitting would be filmed for Harris's "Rolf On Art" programme as part of celebrations to mark the Queen's 80th birthday, which falls next April.
More than 120 artists have painted the Queen, including Britain's Lucian Freud and Italy's Pietro Annigoni.
Harris, 75, is a formally-trained artist who has also had success with novelty recordings such as "Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport".
With the catchphrase "Can you tell what it is yet?" he has teased generations of British television viewers by sketching a picture and asking them to guess the subject before he finishes.
He said his oil portrait of the Queen would break away from the traditional format.
"I want to get the real person rather than the state image and I'd like to make my painting more impressionistic than photographic," he said.
I am truly lost for words, other than nice one Rolf. Here's an improbable approximation as to what his painting wil look like: Should be the most interesting portrait of Ze Royal yet!
crossed with this 